so ive decided to blog. i figured it was high time to try to release my thoughts rather than keep them bottled up in my brain, constantly swiveling, keeping me up at night. maybe my thoughts may even be more coherent online. i don't know. this is just me trying.
why blog? im not sure. im going to try this thing where i dont delete anything i write. so that i don't edit myself. making this somehow more real and meaningful. useful to my endeavor of organizing my mind. if you are a friend, i would like to apologize that this reads out messy. again. i just felt like writing my thoughts. im sorry its not more interesting or maybe even that this doesnt sound like me. it is. im here. naesa is writing these thoughts.
i think the genesis of this blog came about after reading on facebook a status of a friend who questioned herself. she asked herself what if? what if i did this. what if i did that. i think this is one of my main problems. although in certain perspectives this isnt much of a problem. oh poor girl she cant decide what she wants to do with her life, cant she see people are starving? well, im not exactly complaining alright? im just confused, im allowed to feel and figure things out. OK. so haters be gone.
but back to my problem. some people are lucky enough to find their passions right from the get go. then steadily focus on honing their skills to become great at what they love. i dont exactly know what i love. i sometimes wonder if i should have just been persistant with the many things ive tried. maybe if i forced myself, i would have been great at it by now. maybe i could have learned to love it. but then, could that really be called a passion.
i know im lucky. sorry im blessed. i have it made in many ways. i have a loving family, friends and a beyond wonderful boyfriend. and in everything i do, i excel. yes that sounds like im full of myself but i do. i am an incredibly hard worker. i am determined when i want to be. and suck it up when i have to. to achieve the goal. but those were all in the short term. i have my successes, but what good does it do me. whats my long term goal, what exactly should i work hard on. spend the rest of my life trying to achieve. and it takes 10,000 hours apparently to get really good, to be the best at one thing. i dont want to waste life and think WHAT IF. what if i actually pursued this or that, these things that turn out to be what i truly love. that means something.
but i digress, or do i. i duno. i use big words sometimes not knowing exactly what they mean, but hoping the context clues i used to pick up the words turn out to be correct. ha. i think know i digress.
hence the need for this blog. too many thoughts. hard to focus, hard to concentrate on what i should be doing with life. there's just too many swiveling thoughts.
hope i write in this again.
