entry two

warning: i will stick to my decision not to edit myself, so sorry for all my gramatical errors and utter ramblings.

good grief. its been 1 year, 5 months, and 23 days since i first blogged.


but at least im here writing in it again. my hope was fulfilled. hahaha


i still have the same problem tho. still unsure about what to do with my life (which has gone through some changes, i have an even better boyfriend now! <3). but at least im moving forward. at least i have taken the steps to figure things out. i just recently resigned from my first job, a good first job had i wanted to pursue the corporate world - which i clearly do not. i want more meaning. a reason to get up in the morning. and so ive decided for a career switch which started with this radical sabbatical.


my big move will be to try and study abroad next year to jumpstart my new career -i told my previous company that i needed to quit now so i can start applying. but before that, and more importantly, i have to figure out what career that will be. i took a risk resigning before i knew what i wanted to do. but this is why i called it a radical sabbatical.


but i am taking the small steps to figure out my path. ive narrowed down my choices to either computer science, sustainability management, and media management. i will be taking computer classes at UP ITDC (introduction to java programming) as recommended to me by the British Council. (I was so happy i decided to talk to an expert before i tried applying abroad. the BC guy said to be sure that you really want to take the course you want before applying, which duhhh makes sense. I had wanted to try and apply for Fall 2012, but that would have been unwise and a possible waste of money and life had i chosen the wrong path. this my need to take concrete baby steps first.) to see if i would really like sustainability i have talked to my mom to ask her friend to get me into the Environmental Center of Miriam College, which according to her act as an umbrella company for most environmental ngos. Media management im not entirely sure of. I would love to work for an entertainment company but I would be in the corporate setting again, the business side of it all, which is unappealing. I would have passion for sure for the products, but what the job entails, i feel would be the same corporate thing i dont want to get stuck in, but im applying there nevertheless because my gut tells me to.

But yes, at least i got the ball rolling. i do not regret any decision i have made so far. going into my first job taught me many things about the real world, but i also do not regret leaving that job. now i just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, allowing life to show me what it is it wants me to do. I believe things always work out in the end, you just have to allow yourself to see the path that has been laid out before you.


just like it says in one of my favorite quotes right now by Joseph Campbell (and repeated by the hot teacher from Pretty Little Liars):

"you must give up the life you's planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for you"



ive come to realize that i kept trying to figure things out on my own, what i want to do for myself, and so had no peace of mind. thus as i said in my only other post: too many swiveling thoughts. but you know what, God knows best, He has THE plan. So now i put my whole trust in Him. now i simply let go, and let God. because God always gives you the opportunities, its up to you to see them for what they are, grab them and see them through.





hope by the time i write my third entry, i will be at the start of my new journey.

entry one

so ive decided to blog. i figured it was high time to try to release my thoughts rather than keep them bottled up in my brain, constantly swiveling, keeping me up at night. maybe my thoughts may even be more coherent online. i don't know. this is just me trying.

why blog? im not sure. im going to try this thing where i dont delete anything i write. so that i don't edit myself. making this somehow more real and meaningful. useful to my endeavor of organizing my mind. if you are a friend, i would like to apologize that this reads out messy. again. i just felt like writing my thoughts. im sorry its not more interesting or maybe even that this doesnt sound like me. it is. im here. naesa is writing these thoughts.

i think the genesis of this blog came about after reading on facebook a status of a friend who questioned herself. she asked herself what if? what if i did this. what if i did that. i think this is one of my main problems. although in certain perspectives this isnt much of a problem. oh poor girl she cant decide what she wants to do with her life, cant she see people are starving? well, im not exactly complaining alright? im just confused, im allowed to feel and figure things out. OK. so haters be gone.

but back to my problem. some people are lucky enough to find their passions right from the get go. then steadily focus on honing their skills to become great at what they love. i dont exactly know what i love. i sometimes wonder if i should have just been persistant with the many things ive tried. maybe if i forced myself, i would have been great at it by now. maybe i could have learned to love it. but then, could that really be called a passion.

i know im lucky. sorry im blessed. i have it made in many ways. i have a loving family, friends and a beyond wonderful boyfriend. and in everything i do, i excel. yes that sounds like im full of myself but i do. i am an incredibly hard worker. i am determined when i want to be. and suck it up when i have to. to achieve the goal. but those were all in the short term. i have my successes, but what good does it do me. whats my long term goal, what exactly should i work hard on. spend the rest of my life trying to achieve. and it takes 10,000 hours apparently to get really good, to be the best at one thing. i dont want to waste life and think WHAT IF. what if i actually pursued this or that, these things that turn out to be what i truly love. that means something.

but i digress, or do i. i duno. i use big words sometimes not knowing exactly what they mean, but hoping the context clues i used to pick up the words turn out to be correct. ha. i think know i digress.

hence the need for this blog. too many thoughts. hard to focus, hard to concentrate on what i should be doing with life. there's just too many swiveling thoughts.

hope i write in this again.